A beautiful, blessed day

E·N·Q·U·I·R·Y
DEMAREE J.B. RAVAL

A beautiful, blessed day
Sunday, 12 21, 2006

Baguio City. - My wife Malu and I are about to experience a beautiful blessed day, made perfect by our daughter Kara’s getting married to Greal, the fine young man whom we have always wanted for a son-in-law.

We have prepared for the wedding long enough to gather our thoughts, ready to give Greal and Kara sound advice on how to lead a married life. It is written: when children find true love, parents find true joy. Here, then, is our message to Greal and Kara, in celebration of their joy and ours, from this day forward:

Dearest Greal and Kara,

It is never late in the day to remind you of that old aphorism with which parents of a past and vanishing generation counseled young couples, which goes: “Marriage is not like food you put in your mouth, which you can spit out if it burns your tongue or tastes none to your liking.” After all, you have been acquainted with each other for ten years of courtship, discovered in each other traits that are invisible to the eye of others, until you have finally come to the mutual conclusion that one is useless without the other.

Today, you will vow before man and God to love each other, to live together, for better or for worse, now and forever. Much of your happiness will depend on how well you keep to these vows, for marriage is a partnership where the independence is equal, the dependence mutual, and the obligation reciprocal.

Marriage is your last best chance to grow up. Start by getting to know each other anew - this time, include the warts and blemishes and all. Learn to admire each other even with the imperfections. What you have been as a single person, so will you be as a married person. This time around, to a greater degree, every character trait will be intensified, because each of you will feel free to let your guard down - one has committed one’s self to the other, and no longer has to worry about scaring the other off. So, take the skeletons out of your closets - the sooner the better - because sooner or later they will rattle and chase away the rosy dreams and the lofty promises.

All weddings are similar, but every marriage is different. May you not wake up one morning to realize that the one you married is not the one you love. But do not worry: you have a lifetime to learn to love the one you married and discover for yourselves the pithy truth that marriage is often a book of which the first chapter is written in mellifluous poetry, the rest in cacophonous prose.

Share everything - the good times, the blessings, and the bad times as well. Include the bank deposits; you never know when they might run out. But let not an empty bank account hold back the love that is in your hearts.

Talk to each other as often as possible. Always speak from the heart; the words come easy that way. Be careful with words that could break the heart; they are hard to erase. They leave scars. Remember: words of endearment do not go out of style just because you’re already married; like aged wine, they come sweeter the more you use them over time.

Hold hands whenever you could. It keeps you closer to each other. It bridges the gaps and keeps other people from getting in between you.

Trust each other. If trust is not there, do not impose; it is something that you must earn. The same is true with respect. There is nothing nobler, more admirable than two people who see eye-to-eye, keeping house as man and wife - it will confound your detractors and delight your friends.

Fall in love many times over, always with each other. Make love as often as you can; you will miss the fun when the time comes that you would still want to, but no longer could. And remember that the love you take should always be equal to the love you make. When you make love, make it always a joy, not a job.

Keep your love notes and the tokens you’ve given to each other. You will treasure them when the memories start to fade, and you’re too old to remember.

Take time to be alone together, even in a crowd. You are each other’s best friend. Your friends come and go, but in the end there’s really just the two of you. The key is not to think alike, but to think together. Love does not consist of fondly gazing at each other, but in looking together in the same direction.

Appoint each other as guardian of your shared solitudes, and keep the flame of hope burning even in your darkest moments. It will light your way to mutual deliverance.

Keep a home that will always welcome you and your loved ones. May the roof above you never fall in and may you both never fall out. Wherever your home is or whatever it’s made of, make a paradise of it, where our grandchildren, no matter how many of them, can grow in the same warm embrace of love and affection that you received from us.

Half-wittedly, we will conclude: Don’t worry about the past; don’t worry about the future. Don’t worry about triumph; don’t even worry about failure. Don’t worry about disappointments; don’t worry about satisfactions. Don’t worry about the potholes on the road; celebrate the journey instead!

You are now united in God's wise plan: the two of you have become one person in His sight. When this singularity is threatened, always let God in to be the third party in your married life, to form a triangle, the most stable of all forms, to withstand all the trials, as marriage is itself a trial that you will undergo starting today. Pray, and be happy!

With our love and prayers,

Your Papa and Mama

As Kara pauses to admire the flowers on the steps leading to the church, a memory floods my mind with sweet poignancy. In May 1979, when we were Greal’s and Kara’s age, also here in Baguio, Malu and I paused to say a prayer before plunging in to a life of togetherness: “Lord, we take this challenge with You. And together we will make it the best You want it to be.”

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