What if...

E·N·Q·U·I·R·Y
DEMAREE J.B. RAVAL

What if...
Sunday, 11 21, 2004

Everything has been iffy these days. The only certainty has been death - of journalists, strikers, train passengers, small-town politicians - and sin taxes for cigarettes and alcohol. So I decided to let it all go hang and called up a couple of friends to come with me in a trip to Boracay, where we could kick the sand into each other’s faces and shoot off our mouths without mental reservations, away from the hustle and bustle of the concrete jungles of Metro Manila.

Here we are at Paradise Bay in Boracay Island, facing the Carabao Island of Romblon, and I am now in a freewheeling huddle with my friends, exploring a realm of possibilities and wondering about what the consequences would be if things had not happened as they did.

What if the real land reform had been applied to Hacienda Luisita? Its tenants would have real land to till, and not be holding on to useless pieces of certificates of stock evidencing nothing. Fourteen of their kind would still be alive, and good old Cory need not have called GMA for reinforcements to disperse the (unruly?) crowd that massed at the gates of the hacienda.

Speaking of presidents past and present, what if FPJ won? For sure, we would still have to contend with the galloping costs of power, gasoline, everything. Of course, the only certainty in this iffy situation is that GMA would be out of power, and most certainly we would not be treated to the transparent gobbledygook and doublespeak that clothe the investigations of corruption in the military and other government offices.

What if Loren won? The answer is Noli would not be the top honcho in almost everything. He would not have so many hats to wear, many shoes to fill, and billions to dispense for activities that look like a political payback, such as a housing project for Mike Velarde.

What if the Koalisyon ng Nagkakaisang Pilipino senators won, giving them a majority in the Senate? Senator Ed Angara would most likely be the Senate President now, presiding over a chamber reprising its effective role at critical collaboration like what it did so well in 1992-1995. We would not have a comedian and a has-been action star in that chamber, mouthing inane lines as if they were in a movie set rehearsing for the coming take. Or a fire-breathing senator who blames the University for the death of a son.

What if Dr. Teresa Espino of U.P. Los Baños had not been so perspicacious that she was unable to enlighten us about the efficacies of virgin coconut oil? The lobbyists and self-serving spokesmen for manufacturers and distributors of other sources of oil - corn, palm olive, etc. - would probably be laughing their heads off for having kept us in ignorance about the merits and benefits of this abundantly available, indigenous source. But would my friend Reggie be ever so gullible as to believe that pristine coconut oil can restore one’s virginity?

What if Angara had given in to the blandishments of GMA in exchange for a position (Finance Chief?) in the present government? Undoubtedly, the Senate Opposition would be one member less, thus fortifying the hold of Senate President Frank Drilon of the chamber. The government, however, would benefit from the wealth of Angara’s previous experience in the IBP, UP, PNB, DA, and the Senate itself - you name it, and he’s been there and done it. In addition, Malacañang would have been terribly pleased with itself for that divide-and-conquer strategem.

What if my friend Acmad Tomawis, the newest party-list member of the House of Representatives, did not engage my services as his lawyer? Surely, he would still be a member of the LDP, and the party’s top honcho in Muslim Mindanao. Acmad would still be attending to his bus, trucking, petrol services and other concerns in Mindanao.

What if The Daily Tribune were owned by me? Definitely, it would not change anything, I assure everyone. The Tribune would still churn out fearless views and balanced news, a sobriquet it deserves more than any other newspaper. Ninez would still have Honorable Shit for breakfast, Holy Cow for lunch, and Mama Mia for dinner. However, the columns of Ayk Señeres, my fraternity brother, would perhaps contain less philosophical verities but more venom into his educated guesses and probes into the minds of everyone, Frank Drilon most especially.

What if I allowed my sons Kenneth and Kevin to gorge on McDonalds, instead of Jollibees? They probably would not grow as tall as they are now, and would qualify only for the midget division in any basketball league. And horror of horrors! - they would now be mouthing American English - Whassup? Hey dude! - with accents picked up from MTV.

What if I had not come to Boracay and had not turned off my cell phone for the weekend? Miserably, I would still be caught in the U-turns of the snarling traffic that Bayani Fernando has inflicted on us, helplessly suffering from the drudgery of city life and facing the threat of an anonymous bastard with cellphone number 09178413799 who keeps on telling me to shut up (or else) on the FPJ-Loren protests.

What if Lito Lapid became a senator? Hold it, man - he is now a senator, Dan interjected. I said, I mean a real senator. That’s when hard reality came back to me, and suddenly the bright, blue skies of Boracay were not as bright and blue anymore.

The great big city is the dumping ground of aggravation and exasperation that one couldn’t do anything about. You know - you can’t fight the system, City Hall, and all that crap. To get away from the fetid smell and suffocating pressure of it all, even for a few precious wishful hours, one heeds the soothing siren call of Boracay. Tomorrow I will be back in Manila, facing the same predictable music, but with the option to dance to a different tempo that only I, in my mind’s ear, can hear, urging me to dream on when things are actually worse than they seem, but to continue living - and writing for the Tribune.



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